Warhammer 40k -Lure of the expanse

Adventure Log 13
For a Few Hobbits More

Captain Picard, distraught at having lost all her hobbits, seeks to distract herself by seeking out what the other radar blip is; she attempts to task Corlaine but he is having none of it and does his best to avoid doing his duty. Captain Bastille is confused at what he is being told and calls up Picard; this is Corlaine’s cue to sneak out from the command deck, jump in his shuttle with his band and head back to the Black Seagull. Responsibility for scouting out the blip then falls to Dal Hon and Atari Snes, who are both aboard Bastille’s vessel. They dutifully climb onboard a shuttle and head off for certain death.

They  blast they way across space until they eventually lay eyes on the source of the mysterious signal – it turns out to be an Imperial fleet. Dal Hon mongs it while trying to conduct a sensor sweep and inadvertently alerts the fleet to their presence. They are hailed and a brief ship to ship conversation with Captain Hornblower of the Spunky Monkey is had – Atari Snes, suddenly taken by a strike of holy inspiration (or maybe the spirit of Corlaine) identifies himself as Admiral Pink Tip of the good ship “Long Shaft”. He then accepts the invite to dock aboard the Spunky Monkey.

Upon arrival in the larger ship’s shuttle bay a dastardly betrayal is revealed as Hornblower turns up with a contingent of troops who train their rim blasters on the unfortunate duo. Fortunately, Atari Snes is not phased in the slightest and still riffing on the mojo vibe he answers Hornblower’s questions with supreme bluff – telling the man that Picard’s fleet has been utterly destroyed by 28,000 Elder vessels that swarmed out from the misty void surrounding the Dread Pearl.

Being an utter moron, Hornblower buys the bullshit, much to his wiser crew’s ire. He then instructs his troops to execute the pair but Atari is on fire and manages to sell both his and Dal Hon’s skills and virtues to the captain so that he agrees to keep them. He has them taken away into custody.

The duo are interned into separate but adjoining cells. They are guarded by two crewmen and Atari Snes uses his robotic wiles to seduce his guards into engaging in casual sex. While the guards are distracted Dal Hon escapes her room, creeps into the orgy room and uses one of the guards discarded blasters to do away with them.

Dal Hon merely wants to escape back to her lover, Picard, but Snes has a better idea and instructs his companion to get to their shuttle and wait while he takes care of business. Atari then stealthily creeps upside down along the corridors, behaving in such a casual matter-as-fact manner that none of the crew that see him are alarmed by his presence. The Adeptus Mechanicus knows where he needs to go and reaches Engineering. He makes his way to a computer terminal and mind bonds with the ships AI who is simply enchanted by his bluster and wit. The AI opens herself up to her spidery lover and permits him to shut off the main deck and pump out all the oxygen.

With Hornblower and the senior leadership dead, Atari strolls onto the main deck and opens the ship’s coms. He informs the crew that he, Admiral Pink Tip is their new commander and that the ship is to be renamed “The Long Shaft”. There is some decent from one of the security regiments but a quick ock down and oxygen depravation courtesy of the AI soon puts everybody in their place. Pink Tip then confirms the existing deal with the mercenary crews of the accompanying vessels. With total victory accomplished Pink Tip commands his fleet to join Picard’s on the other side of the warp storm.

Once everyone is reunited Picard feebly attempts to requisition the new fleet but Admiral Pink Tip won’t have a word of it; Dal Hon deserts her companion to lick the old captain’s bum. Picard once more tries to block out the bright pain of failure by concentrating on the task at hand – the way to the Dread Pearl is open. The planet’s surface appears to be comprised of a vast ocean broken with archipelagos; a quick scan reveals a multitude of life signs. Corlaine is tasked with leading the way and being risk adverse decides that cautious probing is required. He dispatches a cargo-freighter full of cannibals down to the surface; nothing happens to them so he then sends down a cargo-freighter full of hobbits down too. A feast ensues, much to Corlaine’s surprise – he was unaware that the cannibals would feast on the smaller chaps; oh well.

Satisfied that the surface isn’t in and of itself dangerous, Corlaine scans the planet for structures and discovers a massive ancient Eldar temple on one of the islands. The XO goes down to the planet with his band and a company of 1000 troops. No wanting to miss out, all the other slackers head down too – each taking command of two companies. They all attempt to reach the temple but many of the troops are poorly trained and die attempting to navigate to their goal. Finally the remainder converge of the temple of doom.

 

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Adventure Log 12

Adventure 12

“Ativate augar sensors” commanded Rogue Trader Picard. Inputting the appropriate keys Eidward receives two pings on his screen “sensors picking something up” he exclaimed awaiting further orders. Calling in her advisors and confidents the adventurers discuss their options. “so it’s settled than, we shall send out two landers to investigate” said Picard. Immediately Dal Hon, Corlaine and Atari nominate themselves to investigate the closer blip on the screen, taking along the newly recruited marching band and a few other bodies. The engines ignite and they set of towards the first object.  A few hours pass before coming into sight of the object, and with a sense of dread the massive Imperial Cruiser looms in front of the scout team. This is a vehicle roughly three times the size of their own Frigate, armed to the teeth and with enough armour to make the most intrepid of explores rethink their life choices if engaged in combat.

Opening communication channels Dal Hon attempts to talk with the ship’s captain. Responding is the distinct voice of Lord Admiral Bastille the 2nd. “Dal Hon you hardy son of a gun, wasn’t expecting you or your team to make it this far, where’s your ship?”. Instinct told the team that Lord Admiral Bastille the 2nd was a honourable man and wouldn’t attack without provocation… well at lest he wouldn’t shoot you in the back, he was a man who preferred to twist the knife whilst looking you directly in the eye.  “we are just a few hours around the storm” exclaimed Dal Hon. “Ah fantastic, you know we could work together on this one, there’s no knowing who is may turn up” offered Bastille. The team accepted this assuming Picard would have no issue to this and the team came aboard the ___.

Corlaine not one to be out done by others with a bigger… anything, preps his band to make an almighty entrance. As the doors lowered on Star bug 2 the rhythmic drums, trumpets, brass instruments and a triangle played in unison a tune familiar to what those in the 21st Century would call “Rocket Man” by Elton John. With the team following suit, impressing Bastille and his comrades, whilst pissing off Bastilles own band.  “ Well Bravo, Bravo Indeed… I like your style” said an excited Bastille. “ Now come we must dine”. Not one for ever letting an opportunity to tinker with technology Atari successfully sneaks around the hanger, despite his spider legs clanking everywhere to upload a virus into their systems to warn himself of any weapon systems targeting.

Over dinner the two sides explain how they ended up at the Dread Pearl, with Bastille following the Eldar vessel attacking the rouge traders out of footfall to here assuming it would do so eventually. To celebrate this partnership Corlaine brings in his very expensive ‘Rat Piss’ wine before stacking it and pouring it all over Bastille. After a good amount of bull shitting, Bastille accepts this as customary when drinking this particular wine.  Over the tanoy the bridge requests Bastille to open comms with the ‘Leutee noir’ and leaves his guests in the dining room.

“Captain Picard, we have made arrangements with you team to form a partnership until the we make it planetside – do you confirm”. Picard confirms this truce and the two open up trade talks. In exchange for 6 new landers – which keep getting crashed by Eidward – they provide 30 hobbits from the space hulk, much the Picards Dismay acquiring Heavy bolters too, through providing the locations for the planets visited on route. Darrius informs everyone that certain areas of the storm are calmer than others with mere days before the storm dissipates completely. The decision made was to wait for the storm to dissipate and not risk tempting the storm. Both ships agree to patrol the system around the Warp Storm. Picking up another ping Corlaine bullies the XO of Bastilles ship to send out two landers to investigate, upon hearing no response Corliane rips into the young XO and suggests they send out another set which remains in constant comms. This time they received a semi-broken message of its an “imperi…….” (loud explosion). Upon another guilt trip from Corlaine he leaves to inform Bastille of his XO’s incompetence. The XO pulls out his gun and puts it to his head Dal Hon tries to stop him but narrowly avoids being shot in the face too. Bastille returns and calls for Picard to join his location near the ping.

Moving towards the position they identify 4 Imperium ships – one frigate and three raiders immediately launching an offensive. Whilst in motion Picard commands Eidward to attach and fly four landers to the asteroid temple recovered early and send it flying towards the other ships. Succesfully attaching and flying the asteroid out of the hold not of the ships had any time to react with one raider receiving the full force of a large metallic rock and the insane sadistic mind that thought that this was the best option… which it totally was!

Manoeuvring within firing range and immediately destroying one of  raiders with a barrage coming from both themselves and Bastilles ships. Another folly completely disables the engines of the frigate and leaves the raider in poor condition. Seeing this as an opportunity for growth Eidward manouvers the ship alongside the disabled frigate and prepares a boarding party. To avoid bloodshed Picard makes a command against the Captin Lady Sun Lee to surrender herself or face destruction, narrowly beating her willpower to take her prisoner for a hefty Ransom from her own Dynasty, acquiring a new frigate for the fleet.

 

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Adventure Log 11
There is fuckery afoot

So when the Police tried to apprehend Jen she attempted to do the worm and managed to kick the Policeman's truncheon into his head fatally wounding him. She grabbed the truncheon and the taser and jumped onto the back of Matt's wheelchair. The others reversed the hijacked Uber car allowing Jen to use her impossibly strong scarf to tie the wheelchair to the back. They proceeded to the Hellfire Caves and once there the Uber driver ran away, unfortunately he tripped and broke his neck.

Valentina successfully used the Uber car to ram open the first set of gates and the rest managed to lever open the second set of gates. They made their way into the caves and caught an unsuspecting couple having sex who promptly scarpered. Ash senses psychic energy coming from the direction of the Mausoleum so they made their way there.

Upon reaching the Mausoleum we find five cultists and a corpse. Jen attempted to taser a cultist but missed and hit the corpse instead, she then tried to hit a cultist with a truncheon but again missed and hit the corpse. Cue massive fight in which Matt strangles a cultist and rips out his throat, Valentina suffocates someone with a plastic bag and Jen flailed ineffectively. Matt touches the weird knife sticking out of the corpse and goes back to his normal body but comes back again. Ash touches it and becomes himself and runs away in horror as does Dan.

Jen accidentally tasers Jack before touching the knife and becoming herself again. Valentina touches the knife and runs away. Jen stops tasering Jack who then touches the knife and runs away leaving Jen standing amongst the carnage.

Now that the crew are all back in their own bodies they find themselves in the dessert and they blow up the map thing and discover where the dread pearl is. They plot a course to the dread pearl and head towards the warp storm. The dread pearl is in sight.

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Adventure 10
Iron Men, Midgits & Cannibals

Day 57

After the severe damage, the ship sustained on that barren desolate hellhole of a planet, the entire crew has found itself at a loose end while Atari’s associate repairs the ship. I noticed Lilith returning to ship earlier today wielding what can only be described as an obscenely large chainsword, frankly I am not entirely sure how the missionary is able to lift. I have spent the day planning the ships next voyage with the assistance of Eidwar. The fact that every single one of the planets associated with this fabled bountiful world has been fraught with danger has done nothing to dissuade Eidwar makes me question is the man is all there. He just listens to that god forsaken music at all hours of the day. Having to spend so much time consorting with him really is beginning to wear away at my sanity.

Day 58

I could not take it any longer. I have ventured onto footfall to “relieve some pressure”, and that is all I will say on that matter. While I was attending to these needs I was shocked to find an intact (if slightly unsanitary) Navis Primer. Never have I known to find such a tome in a setting of such ill repute, but far be it from me to judge the hostesses of footfall. After some extensive disinfecting, I am confident that this tome will be fit for use.

Day 59

The Captain has requested that some of the key crew members (including myself) accompany her while she attends to some errands on footfall. While there we ran into the “admiral” whose name I not taken to time to memorise that fired upon our vessel as we initially left footfall on our expedition. This gentleman requested that we pay the previous bribe he asked for in addition to a late fee. He was accompanied by a rather large and rather burly group of security staff, and did not seem too keen to let this issue go. Picard tried to talk the man down but he was having none of it until Dal Hon threatened to “Peel off all his skin and use it to upholster a fine ottoman”. At this point he was rather keen to renegotiate his fee later.

Day 60

The repairs are complete, and the ships crewman are beginning the final checks before we cast off once again. The admiral has not showed his face since the previous day, nor has he sent any men to request his shakedown money. Hopefully this means we will be able to leave footfall while not under a hail of gunfire this time. I fear I may not have much of a chance to maintain this diary during warp travel, as navigating will take up a great deal of my time

Day 96

We have arrived at our destination. I was unable to plot a route which I was happy with, while we made it here in one piece, our travel time was a great deal longer than I had initially expected. The system we have arrived at features a star not dissimilar to our own SOL and a single lonely planet. This system also featured an asteroid belt littered with mechanical debris as well as some manner of psychic anomaly. 6 landers were dispatched to scout the asteroid field, however only 5 returned due to some rather lack lustre piloting by one of the junior void masters. The source of the anomaly turned out to be yet another of the Eldar temples, this one imbedded in the surface of an asteroid which was around 50 meters in diameter. Not wishing to venture into the unknown temple in the void of space, Atari had the bright idea of towing the rock using the lander and bringing it into the main cargo hold.

It was at this point after having successfully towed the asteroid that something rather unexpected happened. A truly enormous ship seemed to materialize above our own. The craft was imperial in origin and severely damaged. Lilith recognised it, as “The Light of Terra”, an incredibly advanced ship that went missing during the Great Crusade of Man. This ship hailed the bridge, broadcasting what I could have only assumed to be an automated message requesting aid (as well as a great deal of zealotry). After some rather hasty calculations, Eidwar believed this vessel was trapped in the gravity well of this system’s only planet, and would impact its surface in less than a day. 3 landers were dispatched and entered the vessel through its main docking bay as damage had rendered them open to the void. Once leaving the docking bays we found that the internals of the ship bizarrely had active life-support systems. There seemed to be however no signs of life aboard as crew made their way towards to bridge. Dal Hon however seemed to sudden request we stop moving, he went onto explain that patterns in the dust littering the hallways suggested recent movement of SOMETHING. Not a few moments later did the auspexes detect the movement of 2 humanoids around 30 meters down the darkened hallway. Dal Hon felt it prudent to remind us that due to poor shielding in this section of the ship, we would be likely to get vented into space if we fired our weapons. We decided to simply wait until the creatures skittered off, and continued towards the bridge. Once our group arrived, Picard noticed the skeletal remains of a man in the command chair. This gentleman was apparently likely to be Captain Draken Wroth, a legendary admiral from the days of the crusade. As Lilith approached the remains to ascertain a cause of death, the skeleton began to move.

The man explained that he has been kept alive by the command chair in which he sat; and that many of the crewman are still alive, twisted by mutation and the extended exposure to the warp. He requested that we repair numerous damaged power conduits as well as the main engines aboard the vessel, so that it may yet fly again. As the engines were likely to be the largest job, Atari suggested we all accompany him there and subsequently split up to repair the conduits. The area around the engines were filled with scrap metal sculptures of men bearing a resemblance to members of the Adeptus Mechanicus, small people inhabiting the outer areas and a group of aggressive tribesman near the gunnery decks.

 

 

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Adventure Log 9
This is why we can't have nice things Jack!

From Dal Hon's log of Operations

**** SH Planet Battle operations:
* Forces involved:
Space team: me, Rogue Trader, Corlaine, Darrius (and some crew) on the ship
Ground team: Eidward, Lilith (and some crew) with the crashed transport
Atari: missing
Bad Guys: big terrain vehicle, hundred and 50 enemy soldiers
Some non-unfriendly people: reasonable-sized ship, with techs and guards
*
Battle development:
- bad guys shoot space team
- space team raises shields, but quite badly hit (navigation system lost)
- good Darrius answer the fire, bad guys' ground vehicle apparently damaged
- space team tactical retreat (never thought I could fly a fucking ship myself, but.. yeah)
- non-unfriendly send a transport to retrieve ground team while enemy
- missile from the ground vehicle turns out to be Atari with a jetpack, kills one fat soldier (and it's a miracle he saves his own ass)
TBD: investigate what the hell was he doing there
- bad guys' ground vehicle collapses/explodes and swipes away the enemy soldiers
- Atari seems to implode in the mist of fire but (divine intervention) reappears just near the crashed transport

**** SH Planet after-battle operations:
* Forces involved:
We
The non-unfriendly people
*
Operations development:
- ground team & Atari escorted to the non-unfriendly ship, called "The Indistructible", where the space team (safely lands and) join
- we meet the captain, Hovec (or a stupid name like this), who doesn't even know about the Emperor, but Lilith doesn't kill him
- Atari binary-chats with the tech guys on the ship while the datagram is delivered to Hovec, but he's behind the spying stuff, so no point
- Eidward is suddenly victim of a kind of alien rage-disease and shouts and threatens Hovec, who has his 20 guard shooting him on the spot. Luckily when the gunpowder mist disappears we see that they shot just around him without actually hit (the fuck! Good aim those guys). Seeing that he's going to shoot back, Lilith disarms him. TBD: check for medications against alien diseases.
- Corlaine, the Rogue Trader and Darrius reach a (difficult) agreement with Hovec:
Non un-friendly people will have: the mystery box and its content ("invisibility" cloack), some titanium (which we happen to have onboard in good quantity and they really lack on this SH Planet), and MY fucking hellgun.
We will have: the scan of their engines, the first choice on whatever we want from the relict of the "Bad guys big terrain vehicle" (either take away or to fix our ship)

**** SH Planet final operations:
* Forces involved:
We
*
Operations development:
- get whatever technical information about engine schematics of The Indistructible ship
- patch the ship enough to face the journey back
- collect all the armory around in good condition and store it on our ship
- Lilith uses her medical skills to heal the injured and also has a decent funeral for the deads (both things really helpful for the morale)
- in one week we're ready to take off

**** Space return journey & repairing operations:
* Involved forces:
We
"Gary" Game Cube
*
Operations development:
- during space journey nothing happens – some strange dreams but nothing as wharp creatures or crew mutiny
- hard landing but all are safe (an the ship was already in shit conditions)
- Atari contacts the tech-nerd friend he knew at the auction party. After some petty talk about spider legs, Atari shows a small part of the engine schemes we acquired on the SH Planet (this exchange of information between tech-nerds is disturbingly too sex-like!) and they reach an agreement.
We will have: the ship fixed in one week, some spider legs, 2000 "best quality crew"
"Gary" Game Cube will have: 100% of the engine schematics, fully erased from Atari's memory

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Adventure Log 8
This is why we can't have nice things Jack!

From Dal Hon's log of Operations

**** SH Planet Battle operations:
* Forces involved:
Space team: me, Rogue Trader, Corlaine, Darrius (and some crew) on the ship
Ground team: Eidward, Lilith (and some crew) with the crashed transport
Atari: missing
Bad Guys: big terrain vehicle, hundred and 50 enemy soldiers
Some non-unfriendly people: reasonable-sized ship, with techs and guards
*
Battle development:
- bad guys shoot space team
- space team raises shields, but quite badly hit (navigation system lost)
- good Darrius answer the fire, bad guys' ground vehicle apparently damaged
- space team tactical retreat (never thought I could fly a fucking ship myself, but.. yeah)
- non-unfriendly send a transport to retrieve ground team while enemy
- missile from the ground vehicle turns out to be Atari with a jetpack, kills one fat soldier (and it's a miracle he saves his own ass)
TBD: investigate what the hell was he doing there
- bad guys' ground vehicle collapses/explodes and swipes away the enemy soldiers
- Atari seems to implode in the mist of fire but (divine intervention) reappears just near the crashed transport

**** SH Planet after-battle operations:
* Forces involved:
We
The non-unfriendly people
*
Operations development:
- ground team & Atari escorted to the non-unfriendly ship, called "The Indistructible", where the space team (safely lands and) join
- we meet the captain, Hovec (or a stupid name like this), who doesn't even know about the Emperor, but Lilith doesn't kill him
- Atari binary-chats with the tech guys on the ship while the datagram is delivered to Hovec, but he's behind the spying stuff, so no point
- Eidward is suddenly victim of a kind of alien rage-disease and shouts and threatens Hovec, who has his 20 guard shooting him on the spot. Luckily when the gunpowder mist disappears we see that they shot just around him without actually hit (the fuck! Good aim those guys). Seeing that he's going to shoot back, Lilith disarms him. TBD: check for medications against alien diseases.
- Corlaine, the Rogue Trader and Darrius reach a (difficult) agreement with Hovec:
Non un-friendly people will have: the mystery box and its content ("invisibility" cloack), some titanium (which we happen to have onboard in good quantity and they really lack on this SH Planet), and MY fucking hellgun.
We will have: the scan of their engines, the first choice on whatever we want from the relict of the "Bad guys big terrain vehicle" (either take away or to fix our ship)

**** SH Planet final operations:
* Forces involved:
We
*
Operations development:
- get whatever technical information about engine schematics of The Indistructible ship
- patch the ship enough to face the journey back
- collect all the armory around in good condition and store it on our ship
- Lilith uses her medical skills to heal the injured and also has a decent funeral for the deads (both things really helpful for the morale)
- in one week we're ready to take off

**** Space return journey & repairing operations:
* Involved forces:
We
"Gary" Game Cube
*
Operations development:
- during space journey nothing happens – some strange dreams but nothing as wharp creatures or crew mutiny
- hard landing but all are safe (an the ship was already in shit conditions)
- Atari contacts the tech-nerd friend he knew at the auction party. After some petty talk about spider legs, Atari shows a small part of the engine schemes we acquired on the SH Planet (this exchange of information between tech-nerds is disturbingly too sex-like!) and they reach an agreement.
We will have: the ship fixed in one week, some spider legs, 2000 "best quality crew"
"Gary" Game Cube will have: 100% of the engine schematics, fully erased from Atari's memory

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Mission Log 7

Mission Log:

The first elder falls as it is Blasted off the edge of the tower, the look of shock on the other eldars faces tells the profound effect of each and every loss. With a flash another warlock breaks its sealed psychic bubble and begins to attack. Making a swift attack with its elongated sword, the blade missed Tabitha narrowly in thime for her to counter with an attack which brishes of the Eldars armour. Imperfectly trying to assist his comrade Darrius takes a shot with his Helpistol and striking Tabitha in the leg. A flurry of fire is exchanged with no real damage incurred intil a shot makes contact with Dal Hon dropping him to the floor in agony. Enraged by this Atari goes berserk swinging his power axe around but failing to make contact with any enemy. Seeing this as an opportunity to strike Picard nails a few shots injuring the standing warlocks and finished off by Eidward and his conversation Ender. The Eldar makes another swing for Tabitha  missed and instantly regrets its mistake as tw swift strikes later the Eldar is decapitated. Gaining the upper hand the group deals with the Eldar like there is no tomorrow until just one remained in its bubble. With a shudder the real world partially phases put dropping the majority of the team and leaving Atari and Coraine dangeling on the edge of existence. Atari is able to make it back up, whilst Corlaine is saved by his lover…. Who falls into the after saving him. Corliane shrugs this off.

At the top of the tower the final elder looks as if he is about to finish of its spell. In last ditch attempts the group fires on all cylinders: flamers, axes, mind bullets and guns to no avail conjuring up some significant willpower Captain Picard raises her hand through the barrier taking a shot hitting the elder directly bringing down the shield. Kneeling there Eidward walks up to the Eldar and attempts to kick him off the tower slipping on a nearby blood spill and falling over himself only saved from certain death through Atari’s superb tendril action. Picard then finishes off the elder with a single shot.

With the action over the group regroups and see’s what they have been standing on is a STAR MAP with several planets on it but due to damage the location of the dread pearl is unknown. Darrius takes a reading of the map and is able to pinpoint the exact location of two of the planets. Using the intercom the team hails the ship and Jermiah Clerkson sends down a transport ship and helps the group blow the structure. The group have been made aware that ther ship is currenty under attack. Manning all decks the ship takes no damage from the elder vessel and in a quick and swift counter attack the groups own vessel annihilates the elder vessel completely.

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Eldar and Sex: the Hunt for the Plasma Gun

Me = Eidward, Toaster = Atari, Sex Man = Corlane, Three-Eyes = Darrius, Twig = Dal, Boss = Joan, Blood Gal = Lilith, Space Gnomes = Eldar

  • Me and Toaster attempt to contact the ship, fail. Were ordered to travel back to shuttle to fix it up and bring random Totum.
  • Sex Man, continuing his travel, bums his ay through the woods. Twig attempts to to contact, but he is busy bumming.
  • Get milk
  • Buy spanners
  • The rest of the group travels to the city. Three-Eyes is stabbed by a splinter.
  • Phone mum.
  • Arriving at the city, the group sees a moving shimmer and decides to wait until dark.
  • I stay as far from the toaster as possible at all times. He smells.
  • The group moves up to wall, attempts to sneak up on shimmer. Fails to realise it’s a shimmer and this is not Deus Ex.
  • Boss is asking for canapés.
  • Hearing voices bemoaning their jobs watching a wall, they decide a plan.
  • Begin Operation Creep Around the Arch and shoot the fuck out of them AKA Operation Orpheus.
  • Remember to take pills.
  • Punch toaster in the face.
  • Twig steps on a twig like an amateur. Fight breaks out.
  • Toaster decides to chicken out and goes the wrong way.
  • I journey on alone. Like a boss.
  • Remember to knit tea cosy.
  • Three-Eyes hides bravely behind rock.
  • Toaster scales the wall.
  • I journey through the woods. Alone.
  • #lizardflail #excelscior
  • They win.
  • Sex guy arrives and promptly has sex.
  • I arrive having gone the wrong way (used fate point).
  • Gets attacked by weird blue fire. Twig falls asleep and has a scary dream which drives her mad.
  • Buy salt for meats.
  • Enemy falls asleep. Toaster pulls pins of grenades and murders eight sleeping people and sends plasma weapon soaring. Blood Gal is very upset, Sex Guy runs for the weapon.
  • I brake communication box #SAD
  • Space Gnomes make weird magic. We climb tower.
  • We fight space gnomes. One goes tumbling, then there were five. Two get shot in different legs. Big Glowing Guy (BGG) looks dangerous. Toaster is ineffective. Conversation Ender works like a dream. Space gnomes are weak ass.
  • Were’s kitty? What's the name of the ship?
  • Remember the osolottes.
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Session 5

To preface this diary I Darrius Benetek, Scion of house Benetek have deemed it prudent to record a diary of the expedition to this mysterious planet. I came to this conclusion after a mega fauna indigenous to this world attempted to destroy our landing shuttle, and began to worry if we were to ever leave this planet. In the event that our away team perishes I hope anyone finding these notes may gleam some useful information from them

<u>Day 1.</u>

After the initial assault on our vessel Captain Picard decided we should venture towards the structure the elder landed at while we still had some hours of day light remaining. As the sun set we began to worry if we had sufficient supplies to set up camp, however as luck would have it Jeremiah Clerkson was very thorough in ensuring we were well equipped, even thinking to include Glowglobes. After we settled for the night, we decided it was in our best interest to take shifts watching the camp throughout the night to prevent any further unsavoury surprises.

Most unfortunately during my watch the camp was attacked by yet more local fauna, which I failed to notice as they approached. The beasts looked like what could only be described as human sized, winged insect creatures. These beasts also seemed to lack any form visual organ, seemingly utilising some form of echolocation. Their attack began when one of them attempted to lift me into the air and I can only assume drag me back to their nest. Luckily, however after attempting to get my crew mates attention Archmillitant Dal Hon heard the commotion and vanquished the creature with a single shot. I fell to the ground unharmed as it had not been long since I was snatched by the winged beast. In the ensuring fire fight a great many of the beasts were slain, however it seemed their numbers were only growing. Things were beginning to seem hopeless until Void Master Eidwar Duval had the ingenious idea of interfering with the echolocation of the creatures using the grenades, that once again I am thankful to Jeremiah Clerkson for thinking to include in the shuttle supplies. After the explosion went off the whole crew hit the deck as the insects flew away, attracted by the incredibly loud noise. We remained stationary like that for almost an hour as we waited for the insect swarm to disperse, worried that the swarm would return. It seemed however once dawn broke that the creature had perhaps returned to their nest, I can only assume the species is nocturnal in nature.

 

Day 2.

Once the camp had been packed up, the expedition once again set out towards the mysterious shining pillar. Atari Snes believes it will be at least another day or two before we are able to reach our destination, which I feel cannot come soon enough. On this planet a single day and already attacked twice by the local wild life, it really doesn’t bode well for our continued survival. At around mid morning we were contacted Corlaine Du Voss, head of the other expedition team. If I am completely honest I believed he had perished during his emergency crash landing, if the large pillar of smoke on the horizon the previous day was to give any indication. He informed us of his co-ordinates and agreed with Captain Picard to take what remained of his own expedition crew and rendezvous with us at the pillar.

As the main force continued its trek we came across a river, which at the time we thought reasonable to follow as it seemed to head in the direction of our destination. This proved to be a terrible idea, as after following the river for several hours Sister Lilith noticed several large ripples on the top of the water. These ripples turned out to be yet more highly aggressive and dangerous examples of this planets ecosystem. A 20ft long reptilian beast burst forth from the river and attempted to drag Lilith and Eidwar to a watery grave, yet due to Lilith’s warnings were able to dive out of the way just in time. The Reptile then returned into the water, assumingly preparing for another lunge and so the entire party ran for cover in tree line, as well as Lilith throwing several grenades into the water for good measure.

We had managed to cover approximately 18km during the day light hours, making good time so we may yet reach the pillar by tomorrow. Once again camp was set up, ensuring we were a comfortable distance from the accursed river. Much like the previous night we all took shifts on the watch, but now that we were aware of the swarming insects made sure to keep noises and movement to a minimum.

Day 3.

The night passed by uneventfully aside from a minor scare in which Picard had caught the attention of a straggler from the main insect swarm, luckily she was quick to put it down with her blade and so nothing came of the incident. Shortly after dawn Corlaine contacted us via radio to inform us the majority of his party was silently abducted in the night. Unable to do much about it at present we pressed on.

Not long after we had set out, the expedition happened upon a rather unusual rock formation. I however was quick to identify this as a totem of Wraithbone, a psychic sensitive material utilised in a great deal of elder construction. Being unable to pass up on such a find, I enlisted the help of Atari, Picard and Eidwar to assist me in transporting the exquisite xenos artefact. Lilith and Dal Hon, not having a taste for such things decided to continue up a nearby ridge to scout ahead.

They came back a few minutes later fairly shaken. Apparently up ahead was a cavern full of bodies belonging to the ship’s crew. This was where Corlaine’s missing expedition members had ended up. In addition the pair had also happened upon the ruins of an elder settlement. Bizarrely as Lilith was relaying this information a cat-like animal approached her from a nearby bush. Not deterred by the beings presence, she attempted to feed it some of her trail rations which it seemed to enjoy a great deal. The xenos appeared to have selected the missionary as her new master or some such nonsense, refusing to leave her side. The whole exchange seemed rather uncharacteristic for a woman so seemingly cold and staunch in her faith.

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Session Four

The vents were shut down,

Fifty seven hours left,

Until we all die

 

Snes tries to defuse,

But the reactor prevails,

51 remain

 

Untied Tech Priests,

Attempt to help Atari,

Two to surgery

 

Mutineers must die,

Sentenced in the airlock,

Given to dark space

 

Atari succeeds,

With three hours left until doom,

Five days of nothing

 

A blip on the screen,

No response to our hailing,

Choose to ignore it

 

Twelve days in the warp,

Narrowly missing black hole,

Arrive unscathed

 

One planet one star,

Twenty Stryaxis orbit,

Hail to trade with them

 

Corlaine goes aboard,

Hears a new ship approaching,

Returns with boxes

 

Eldar ship arrives,

Sends shuttle down to planet,

We scan it’s like earth

 

Launch two small shuttles,

Landing is unfortunate,

A loud sound is heard

 

Big ass Dragonfly,

Amorous toward shuttle,

Causing much damage

 

We battle the bug,

Atari fixes turret,

Blows enemy up

 

Corlaine spots Eldar,

He goes to seek their shuttle,

Apart from us all

 

On the horizon,

We spot a column of smoke,

We head towards it

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