Captain Picard, distraught at having lost all her hobbits, seeks to distract herself by seeking out what the other radar blip is; she attempts to task Corlaine but he is having none of it and does his best to avoid doing his duty. Captain Bastille is confused at what he is being told and calls up Picard; this is Corlaine’s cue to sneak out from the command deck, jump in his shuttle with his band and head back to the Black Seagull. Responsibility for scouting out the blip then falls to Dal Hon and Atari Snes, who are both aboard Bastille’s vessel. They dutifully climb onboard a shuttle and head off for certain death.
They blast they way across space until they eventually lay eyes on the source of the mysterious signal – it turns out to be an Imperial fleet. Dal Hon mongs it while trying to conduct a sensor sweep and inadvertently alerts the fleet to their presence. They are hailed and a brief ship to ship conversation with Captain Hornblower of the Spunky Monkey is had – Atari Snes, suddenly taken by a strike of holy inspiration (or maybe the spirit of Corlaine) identifies himself as Admiral Pink Tip of the good ship “Long Shaft”. He then accepts the invite to dock aboard the Spunky Monkey.
Upon arrival in the larger ship’s shuttle bay a dastardly betrayal is revealed as Hornblower turns up with a contingent of troops who train their rim blasters on the unfortunate duo. Fortunately, Atari Snes is not phased in the slightest and still riffing on the mojo vibe he answers Hornblower’s questions with supreme bluff – telling the man that Picard’s fleet has been utterly destroyed by 28,000 Elder vessels that swarmed out from the misty void surrounding the Dread Pearl.
Being an utter moron, Hornblower buys the bullshit, much to his wiser crew’s ire. He then instructs his troops to execute the pair but Atari is on fire and manages to sell both his and Dal Hon’s skills and virtues to the captain so that he agrees to keep them. He has them taken away into custody.
The duo are interned into separate but adjoining cells. They are guarded by two crewmen and Atari Snes uses his robotic wiles to seduce his guards into engaging in casual sex. While the guards are distracted Dal Hon escapes her room, creeps into the orgy room and uses one of the guards discarded blasters to do away with them.
Dal Hon merely wants to escape back to her lover, Picard, but Snes has a better idea and instructs his companion to get to their shuttle and wait while he takes care of business. Atari then stealthily creeps upside down along the corridors, behaving in such a casual matter-as-fact manner that none of the crew that see him are alarmed by his presence. The Adeptus Mechanicus knows where he needs to go and reaches Engineering. He makes his way to a computer terminal and mind bonds with the ships AI who is simply enchanted by his bluster and wit. The AI opens herself up to her spidery lover and permits him to shut off the main deck and pump out all the oxygen.
With Hornblower and the senior leadership dead, Atari strolls onto the main deck and opens the ship’s coms. He informs the crew that he, Admiral Pink Tip is their new commander and that the ship is to be renamed “The Long Shaft”. There is some decent from one of the security regiments but a quick ock down and oxygen depravation courtesy of the AI soon puts everybody in their place. Pink Tip then confirms the existing deal with the mercenary crews of the accompanying vessels. With total victory accomplished Pink Tip commands his fleet to join Picard’s on the other side of the warp storm.
Once everyone is reunited Picard feebly attempts to requisition the new fleet but Admiral Pink Tip won’t have a word of it; Dal Hon deserts her companion to lick the old captain’s bum. Picard once more tries to block out the bright pain of failure by concentrating on the task at hand – the way to the Dread Pearl is open. The planet’s surface appears to be comprised of a vast ocean broken with archipelagos; a quick scan reveals a multitude of life signs. Corlaine is tasked with leading the way and being risk adverse decides that cautious probing is required. He dispatches a cargo-freighter full of cannibals down to the surface; nothing happens to them so he then sends down a cargo-freighter full of hobbits down too. A feast ensues, much to Corlaine’s surprise – he was unaware that the cannibals would feast on the smaller chaps; oh well.
Satisfied that the surface isn’t in and of itself dangerous, Corlaine scans the planet for structures and discovers a massive ancient Eldar temple on one of the islands. The XO goes down to the planet with his band and a company of 1000 troops. No wanting to miss out, all the other slackers head down too – each taking command of two companies. They all attempt to reach the temple but many of the troops are poorly trained and die attempting to navigate to their goal. Finally the remainder converge of the temple of doom.